A worldwide survey was conducted by the! UN. The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure,
In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant,
In Pak they didn't know what 'honest' meant,
In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,
In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,
In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,
In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,
And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!
Friday, July 14, 2006
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
This is how you recruit.
One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human ResourcesManager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up inheaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though,it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never oncehad a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really surewhat to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders. What we're going to do is let youhave a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whicheverone you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", saidthe woman.
"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in anelevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting greenof a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club andstanding in front of her were all her friends - dressed in evening gownsand cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and theytalked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and atnight went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak andlobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and shehad a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a goodtime that before she knew it, it was time to leave.Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and foundSt. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.
So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing theharp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hourswere up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now youmust choose your eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'dsay this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had abetter time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she wentdown-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in adesolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends weredressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it insacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and therewas a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced andhad a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all myfriends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and said...
.
.
.
.
.
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an employee."
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though,it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never oncehad a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really surewhat to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders. What we're going to do is let youhave a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whicheverone you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", saidthe woman.
"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in anelevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting greenof a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club andstanding in front of her were all her friends - dressed in evening gownsand cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and theytalked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and atnight went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak andlobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and shehad a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a goodtime that before she knew it, it was time to leave.Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and foundSt. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.
So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing theharp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hourswere up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now youmust choose your eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'dsay this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had abetter time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she wentdown-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in adesolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends weredressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it insacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and therewas a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced andhad a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all myfriends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and said...
.
.
.
.
.
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an employee."
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