Self Apprisal...

This is a story of a little boy who works for a living... We have a lot to learn from him.. Just read on...

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits.

The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation: The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn? The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn.

Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now." replied boy. The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.

The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach, Florida. Again the woman answered in the negative.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all, walked over to the boy and said, "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.

The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"

An Interesting Paradox...

Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but as unable to pay the fees. The student struck a deal saying, "I will pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court". Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, the student reminded him of the deal and pushed days. Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves.

The teacher put forward his argument saying: "If I win this case, as per the court of law, the student has to pay me as the case is about his non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way I will have to get the money". Equally brilliant student argued back saying: "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher as the case is about my non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet. So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything".

Wow... Isn't this is one of the best paradoxes you've come across?

How a survey fails...

A worldwide survey was conducted by the! UN. The only question asked was:


"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"


The survey was a huge failure,


In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant,

In Pak they didn't know what 'honest' meant,

In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,

In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,

In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,

In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,

And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!

This is how you recruit.

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human ResourcesManager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up inheaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though,it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never oncehad a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really surewhat to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders. What we're going to do is let youhave a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whicheverone you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", saidthe woman.

"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in anelevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting greenof a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club andstanding in front of her were all her friends - dressed in evening gownsand cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and theytalked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and atnight went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak andlobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and shehad a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a goodtime that before she knew it, it was time to leave.Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and foundSt. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing theharp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hourswere up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now youmust choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'dsay this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had abetter time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she wentdown-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in adesolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends weredressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it insacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and therewas a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced andhad a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all myfriends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and said...
.

.

.

.

.

"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an employee."

Don't let the cups drive you... enjoy the coffee instead.

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university lecturer.

Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said: "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups."

"Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in ! society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change." "Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."

So ... don't let the cups drive you... enjoy the coffee instead.

Gather All resources be4 working on any project...

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street.

A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s...!", exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

"We just moved in, & there's no electricity in the house!"

MORAL::::: Gather All resources be4 working on any project...

DON'T EVER BE LATE.

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few word while they waited...

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had indeed come to a fine parish full of good loving people."


Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk..."I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first oneto goto him in confession."

MORAL OF THIS STORY: DON'T EVER BE LATE.

Some cool dates this year

Hey was thinking of a few cool calender dates this year and found some really nice ones..

ON JUNE 6 - 2006 & 6 MIN & 6 SEC AFTER 6 AM DAY TIME AND DATE WILL BE
06:06:06:06 06/06/06
HAPPENS ONCE IN 10000 YEARS!!!

Also, on 4th of May 2006 at 1AM, 2Min and 3sec the clock showed...
01:02:03 04/05/06
HAPPENS ONCE IN 10000 YEARS!!!

Isnt that cooool!

Some other cool dates are...
20:06:20:06 20/06/2006

Let me know if you find some more.

Cheers!
Sandesh.

Say the right thing at the right time...

Rohit wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

Rohit looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Rohit asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door". Confused, Rohit asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!" His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said,

"Lady leave me alone! I'm married!"

Moral >>
Self-induced hangover -- Rs. 2000.00 >>
Broken furniture -- Rs. 20,000.00 >>
Breakfast -- Rs. 100.00 >>
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk - PRICELESS

Where to make an effort?

Ever heard the story of the giant ship engine that failed?

The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine. Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a youngster. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.

Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed! A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.

"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"

So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."

The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer ......................... $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap ............................. $ 9998.00

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference.

An unsolved mystery... Managers!!!

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper,I'll have a C monkey please." The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash,handed it to the customer, saying, " That'll be$5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and "That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?" The shopkeeper answered, "Ah,that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?" "Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it canmanage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All thereally useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in acage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped tothe shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the other put together! What on earth does it do?" The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seenit do anything, but the other monkeys call him the project manager."

Cheers!
Sandesh.

India Rising...

What will India's innovation and booming economy mean for Americans?

This is a nice article(news video) by ABC Network.
Definately worth a watch.

http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerindex?id=1674437

Policies! Ha.. monkey decision.

(This is based on an actual experiment conducted in U.K)

They put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.

Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder; all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.

Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder,all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious. But undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.

A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The new comer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.

One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced . Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey whotries, without having any idea why. This is how any company's policies get established.

He he hee...

Computer Quotes

How true these quotes are...

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done!

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Project managers please excuse :)

I thought this story below is so much true!!!

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I Would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, Hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West Longitude.'

'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.

'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is Technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your Information and the fact is I am still lost.'

The man below says, 'You must be a project manager'

'I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'

'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where You are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to Keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.'

Keep it small and simple!

This is a real story which carries a lot of lesson for all of us (especially) developers to keep things small n simple.

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soap box that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department.

For some reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem. Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent whoopee amount to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc but instead came out with another simple solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Computer programmer in the making

I just remembered my school days when I first started programming. I was so interested in hacking and writing viruses that I got my TC compiler and started to write a virus program. Days after writing all kind of crap that didnt work I finally made a lazy virus! and all what it did was...
When executed it displays a message "Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
Thanks for your cooperation.
-Seizer"
By-the-way, Seizer was my underground name!! Ha ha ha...

Life's like that...

Speech by Thomas Friedman of The New York Times....

"When we were young kids growing up in America, we were told to eat ourvegetables at dinner and not leave them. Mothers said, 'think of the starving children in India and finish the dinner.' And now I tell my children: 'Finish your maths homework. Think of the children in India who would make you starve, if you don't.'"